FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!

Jeremy:

1. Why is your mom getting “bitchy” about your birthday? What do you mean by bitchy? Angry? Excited?

2. Since when is Iman in Pakistan? She has fag-hag duties that she cannot complete if she is in Pakistan. I’m gonna have a talk with that girl…

3. Ok, I don’t care who’s birthday this happens on, as long as it happens. What we could do, is go to the Brick House one day, and then the following day, have everyone over for movies or something… We could do it at my house, if it’s a mid-day thing, and everyone goes home… I just don’t know how The Evil Presence will feel about it. (Pretty good I hope, because she apparently misses me…)

4. We are going to invite anyone and everyone (to the Brick House) that we can think of, that isn’t a complete asshole. We should all make lists, and then compile them and then weed out the people that warrant an “OHHELLNOH!”

5. I think we should do the same list thing( for the BGBB), but be terribly exclusive. We need all the gays that we can stand to be there. I think we need to go the mall and talk about this, without anyone else. Like, invite them, but tell them to come later…

6. I will tell people that they can’t come to the exclusive VIP party afterwards. And I will do it with a smile on my face, because I know that I don’t have to talk to them again at some mysterious future point if i so choose. You, however, may have to. So, I’ll do it, because I’ve been working in a kitchen for a month, and it kind of turns you into a blunter, more honest, version of yourself. So, I’m basically the same, but it’s easier for me to fly off the handle if someone doesn’t say… pick up their goddamned food for fifteen fucking minutes while you’re ringing the goddamned bell for the entire fifteen fucking minutes, Lara… Sorry… there’s a server at work that doesn’t pick up her food on time and therefore minimizes work space and therefore pisses all the cooks off. </rant>

7. I think that Iman, Joscelyne, and Amber should come. Why not? If Amber does have a crush on me or whatever, then she will keep her thoughts and hands to herself, or I’ll punch her. Simple as that. I will also not talk to her about her love life or her “confusing thoughts” while at the party. I’ll be happy to discuss it elsewhere, though. On her time, not mine. And I might charge her. I don’t know…

LindSAY:

1. I would love to have it at your house. That would be brilliant. I could cook foods, and then take it to your house and we can all dfvbnreqdh sdipxsf Sorry. There is a kitten who is trying to prevent amuytelf me from writing this. Anyway,  Having it at your house would be ideal.

2. I love the idea of having our BGBB at Kanawha State Forest. Where we can, you know, dance about like idiots (again) and have happy picture time. So, that’s a great idea. What we could do, instead of CD’s, is have speakers that can function with our various iPod/Zune/MP3 player bits. Which, makes more sense because nobody listens to CD’s anymore. Unless you’re me…

3. I like the ‘not enough room’ idea, but I was just going to be blunt and tell them they just weren’t exclusive enough.

4. I want Rin there, too. I miss that girl something terrible. The Situation does need to be dealt with. And, she is talking about living with me and Chris by next summer. I don’t want to. I agreed, admittedly, then realized how terribly this would get on my nerves (as they’re attached at the, you know, mouth). But… I haven’t had the heart to tell her over the phone. So, I get to really hurt her feelings when I get back. I hope she yells at me, so I can understand better. I just have this feeling that she’s going to be like “Oh. Ok.” and then cry about it later. Which, would make me feel like I just ran over her puppy or something.

5. YAY! LISTS!!! Everything is so much easier when there are lists.

6. I will be happy to make cupcakes and other little treats, I think we should ask everyone who’s coming what kind of this they like and what kind of that they like, then ask for donations and then go to SaveALot and buy off-brands, then put them in bowls and nobody will ever know. Damn. I’m cheap.

7. Why were you “totally gay” right then?

Hope this has helped. More later. I have to shower and go to work.

…

Lindsey, when you do get a job, I expect that you’ll be saying that an awful lot. It’s so much fun to tell someone you can’t do something because you have to work. Its… its just a great feeling.

Love you guys so much my brain hurts!!

HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT!

George Clinton and the P-Funk Allstars (aka Funkadelic) are playing a concert in Ohio. Next Thursday-Saturday.

I have to go. There is no way that I can forgive myself if I miss this.

It’s $80.00 (WHICH I CAN AFFORD RIGHT NOW!!!!) and its this huge hippyfest.

I’m probably going to be coming back the eighth or ninth of July. I love you guys way too much to possible say.

Oh, and since you’re going to be married: We HAVE to live in Athens at some point. I’ve already resigned myself to this fact. It’s not a real city, its a town, but it’s very close to real cities like Columbus. And its not as life-threatening. Its kind of has the personality of an old hippy: relaxed and at ease with the rest of the world, but still able to be cool and hip and sprinkle magic fairy tie-dye sparkle dust on all of its inhabitants. In fact, the only lame thing about Athens is the multitude of college frat-bastards and sorority sluts — who are annoying. But they are easily squished by tires.

Ok. So. What do you guys want to do on/for our birthdays? We agreed to the whole joint-birthday-bonanza thing, right? What I’m thinking is, we invite everyone who has every spoken to us (more presents, that’s why) to go to the Brick House for a night of fun and jumping about like crazies. Then, we go back to my house/Lindsey’s house/some other place of mystic and wonder, and have a Big Gay Movie Night with a select group of friends that everyone agrees upon.

If this doesn’t suit you, just say so. I’m not going to be offended, I’ve just been in a very punktastic mood lately, and we like to slam and thrash about to a bass line that makes my teeth hurt.

Also, depending on when I leave Morganna’s house, she may be able to come to the B.G.B.B. (Big Gay Birthday Bonanza) and stay for a bit. Which is nice, because from what I hear, you guys like her and she likes you and it will be beautiful. And James might be able to come too. I don’t know. Anyway.

So, Here’s what we need to decide.

1. Do you want to go to the Brick House first with a bunch of people to receive presents from those you don’t like that much, but like enough to have them exist?
2. Ok, I know: I’m a retard for asking this… Do you want to have a Big Gay Movie Night at Lindsey’s/someone else’s house? I don’t think we can do it at my house as it’s small and inhabited by an Evil Presence that rivals that of Cthulhu. But, someone else’s would be ideal. (smiles)
3. Would you want Morganna, James, Laney, and Elina to come? Laney and Elina are two of Morganna’s other friends who are just fucking great. The are both very anime geeks, but also appreciate and understand my adoration of gay men. Especially attractive gay men who are together. Ok. I’m going to quit talking now.
4. If so (to Question 3), it would mean that I may have to stay here for another week, maybe two. Because Zak doesn’t want to drive me to WV, just to have to go back in a few weeks so that Morganna can attend. Which, is the only reason why we can’t just have them drive down when the time comes. So, knowing that you would be without your beloved (I hope!!) fag-hag for another week or so, is you’re answer still the same?

Keep in mind, that this plan is not solid yet. I still have to ask my mom and grandma if Morganna can come and chill out there. And, I’m not sure if Mom wants me to stay here much longer (She misses me.)… I don’t know, I just want this (our B.G.B.B., I mean) to work out and be amazing and all that. I don’t really have much of a plan other than this little rough outline… I’m just throwing it out there. Tell me what you guys think.

Love you!!!!!

Sing to the tune of “If I Only Had A Brain”. Then go download from Limewire. Amazing. Just amazing.

I’d be thinner, I’d be taller
Go clubbing in my collar
With skin pale as a moth
Dressed in black, I’d go creepin’
While the normal folk are sleepin’
If I only were a Goth
With my hair up, I’d look fancy
Like Siouxsie and the Banshees
With silk or velvet cloth
Dressed in boots, never sandals
And the room would be lit with candles
If I only were a Goth

In my casket purse I’m toutin’
Einsturzende Neubauten
And pagan hymns to Thoth
Yes the world would be depressing
Over death I’d be obsessing
And this corpse that I’m undressing
Would be sexier, I’m guessing
With my diet I’d get scurvy
And I’d worship Peter Murphy
If I only were a Goth

(The best part is that I’m listening to Death Cab For Cutie while writing this, though…)

So… to tell you about my day, I have to first (dammit, I lost the game) tell you about Saturday. Saturday was fun, Morganna graduated high school. Then, we ate a lot of potatoes. (Dammit, I lost the game AGAIN. Shut the hell up, Morganna. Shit.) I mean, a lot of potatoes. Like five bowls of potatoes. I was very fucked-up for most of the night, we started smo- eating at about 11:00. (I was also very witty and mean to James while eating the potatoes, something that I apologized for, but kept doing. I think I just get really honest when I… eat potatoes.) Then, Saturday, morning, we got up and had to drive to Columbus. This was not pleasant, or it wouldn’t have been if we weren’t still uh… full on potatoes.

And then today, we wandered around Athens, Morganna, Celeste, Laura, me, and Laura’s skeevy weird boy-thing. I don’t like the S.W.B.T., obviously. So, we were all floaty and cool and amazing, trying to catch frogs and looking at pretty college boys (WHICH OHMAIGAWD! THERE ARE A LOT OF! And, it was mostly just me looking at pretty college boys as Laura has her thing, and Celeste is too… Celeste-y to look at boys, and Morganna has James. And Laura’s boy thing is mostly straight, I think… Laura is flat chested and man-ish though…)

And then Morganna decided she needed sex toys. So… off we went to our friendly, neighborhood sex shop. Where Morganna bought a… dazzling array of toys ranging from a strap-on to a vibrating cock ring (she also wanted to buy a giant, purple double-ended dildo… mostly for whacking people in the face with…). While there, we freaked out Laura. You see, James is Laura’s younger brother. She knew that Morganna was into BDSM-bondage stuff, but really probably didn’t need to know that her little brother was bi (Morganna outed him, because she has no windows in her house and because Laura was being all “OMAIGAWD!!You bought liek such weird stuffff… whyy? Is that liek fur mai bruther, er sumthing?!?!”) and that he was also into BDSM shit.

We also hid a watch in Dan’s house to make him think he’s The Doctor. Nevermind, your geekiness is not as awe-inspiring as mine and Morganna’s. Just don’t worry about it, ok? Ok.

And we ate ice cream on the way to an ice cream shop to shoot pixalated moose (which is now the name of the heavy metal/ punk/ thrash group I’m going to start) and then eat more ice cream. Which we did. It was lovely. We also shot sheep and annoying ninjas with rocket launchers and jet packs in New York City. Aren’t arcade games fun? (evil grin) Fucking Jet-Pack Ninjas. Which… is also the name of a band.

Also, I fear taking showers whit bugs on the ceiling. I’m afraid they are going to fall in my hair, while I’m washing it, and therefore be able to like colonize my scalp before I realize they’re there. Let’s face it, the chances of me finding a bug colony in my hair are the same as finding that child that went missing a few weeks back and the chipmunk that was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But, for seriously, I’m scared of forgetting people that I didn’t know mattered to me. Like Luke Tieranny, and John Taylor, and other people that I’m not really great friends with, but put up with my strangeness and was able to provide some of their own. I don’t know…

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So, I’m now living in Athens, Ohio, this little college town of amaaaazingness. It’s so wonderful. Best graffiti(near The Union),  great coffee(Donkey), wondermous food(The Diner, O’Betty’s, Salaam, Casa Nueva, Chipotle, and right here in Barbra’s kitchen). And its just so cute and hippie-ish. All the stoners people are very cool and nice and offer you cigarettes, “potatoes”, rides, miscellaneous tie-dyed material, or drinks. In fact, the only douchebags are the college frat-bastards, all of which should be going home soonish.

I also officially have a job as a sous-chef at Salaam, a Turkish/Middle-Eastern restaurant downtown. (SQUEESQUEESQUEE) It’s amazing. Today’s my first official day, but I helped out yesterday evening, just washing dishes and meeting some of the cooks/servers. And today were making stuff with phyllo (the dough used in Baklava). The owners are amazing; Mark and Hillary are basically like: wear anything you want, dye your hair blue and green, pierce your eyelids -it doesn’t matter as long as you don’t wear open-toed shoes (heavy shit + hot food + klutzy people = NO!) and wrist jewelry (because it can catch on fire and other bad stuff). So, I can wear whatever I want and be amazing and cook cool Turkish food for hippies, vegetarians, and vegans, which is most of Athens’ population.

I’ve only met one other chef, besides Barbra and Morganna, though. He’s this amazing gay black guy named Dennis, but everyone calls him Brown Suga’, because “Dennis is my slave-name” -quoth Brown Suga’. He’s such a sweetheart, and we made fun of Morganna together. He’s great.

So yeah, I’m getting paid to have stressful-cool fun and wake up at 8:30 in the morning on Saturday to make hummus and Turkishcoffeeespresso sweets. I can’t wait. So, yeah. More later I guess. Maybe I’ll update more often. I have to get ready to go make phyllo-pastry stuff. Hope everyone is still being amazing.

Oh, and I’ve decided to dye the underside of my hair pink!