Sing to the tune of “If I Only Had A Brain”. Then go download from Limewire. Amazing. Just amazing.

I’d be thinner, I’d be taller
Go clubbing in my collar
With skin pale as a moth
Dressed in black, I’d go creepin’
While the normal folk are sleepin’
If I only were a Goth
With my hair up, I’d look fancy
Like Siouxsie and the Banshees
With silk or velvet cloth
Dressed in boots, never sandals
And the room would be lit with candles
If I only were a Goth

Yes I’d wanna die
From the bottom of my heart impure
Would I like another clove? Well, sure
And after that, we’ll go listen to The Cure

I’d pretend to be a vampire
Like in stories ’round the campfire
I’d suck your bloody froth
*sucking noise*
Yes the thing I’d be best at
Is impersonating Lestat
If I only were a Goth

In my casket purse I’m toutin’
Einsturzende Neubauten
And pagan hymns to Thoth
Yes the world would be depressing
Over death I’d be obsessing
And this corpse that I’m undressing
Would be sexier, I’m guessing
With my diet I’d get scurvy
And I’d worship Peter Murphy
If I only were a Goth

(The best part is that I’m listening to Death Cab For Cutie while writing this, though…)

12 Responses to “Why Voltaire Wins At Life: “If I Only Were A Goth””

  1.   kwat said:

    I read the first line and I was like “I’MMMMM bored”

    SO yeah…I miss you. A lot. I’m now talking to my kitty ’cause I’m bored and your not here to… talk to me and do stuff. So yeah. Come home soon.

  2.   kwat said:

    Luke Tierany with a beard is REALLY REALLY REALLY scary!

  3.   lindseybot3k said:

    I MISS YOU TOOOOOOOOO.

    Us fags need our hag.

    And I still really want some potatoes, biatch.

    Oh oh oh we need to plan a really wonderful birthday party for the three of us.

  4.   kwat said:

    I don’t have AIM. I’d tried getting one, and it didn’t work. I couldn’t come and stay up there anyways, Rich would probably come and kill people in Ohio looking for me.

    I’m good, Beth now has meds that she’s taking. I’m listening to Nightwish again, which tends to (for some reason) to calm me down and yeah…

    Oh well… I’m here.

    And Lindsey, I don’t think anything is gonna beat us going to the Harry Potter thing last year for Brittney’s and Mine B-Day’s.

    Although… a party at sounds lovely right now, we could go to Brittney’s house, have yummy food, and have a gay movie night!

    It will be fabulous!

  5.   kwat said:

    Psycho the movie was originally Psycho the novella. I want to read the novel.

  6.   theczarofmangoes said:

    Oh. Ok. I’ll be home soon. I have to go finish this lager.

  7.   lindseybot3k said:

    AHHHHHHH YOU’VE GOT FUCKING POTATOES AND ALCOHOL?!

    I FUCKING HATE YOU BITCH.

  8.   theczarofmangoes said:

    <3333
    It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good. I’m bringing some potatoes home, don’t worry.

  9.   lindseybot3k said:

    Sweet. save them for me.

  10.   Jeremy Schrader said:

    Well you have fun with nasty alcohol.

    I has tea. (surprising isn’t it.)

    I went to the mall today, and I decided to get “Go Ask Alice”

    I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to read it, the first line annoys me.

    “I thought that I was the happiest person is god’s green world”

    I quite efficiently slammed a paper back book shut.

  11.   kwat said:

    Don’t let your grandma get them.

  12.   kwat said:

    Go Ask Alice is a horrible book and is obviously fake and not real.

    Just like half of Running With Scissors.

    Which we need to talk about. I had a conversation with Mrs. Whitworth, but it didn’t really work.

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